Recently someone asked me "what's the right way to do a hand-fasting ritual in a wedding".  My response: "Anyway you want".   Hand-fasting is a ritual in which the couples hand or hands are draped or ceremonially tied as a sign of the unity their marriage creates.  There are of course  more than a few historical and cultural references on how to do a hand-fasting.  If it's important to you and your fiance to recreate a historically accurate and culturally accurate ritual, you should tell your celebrant about your desire.  Strong celebrants are trained and versed in cultural ritual.  I learned hand-fasting from my mentor at the Celebrant Foundation and Institute.  However for most couples, I find that what they really are looking for is a way to use traditional ritual in a method that is meaningful to them.  Which is why I say that a hand-fasting ritual can be done "right" many ways.  You can start with the type of material you use for the hand fasting.  It can be something meaningful to you, your family, your cultures or your union.  Common themes for the fasting cord include rope, ribbon, knitted or crocheted lengths, leather and even flowers, pukka shells or strung beads.  Idea's for the cords include braiding different colors to signify the bride, groom, their children, family lineage, favorite colors etc.  The end of the cords can be used to hang tokens of significance as well.  I had one couple that wove small stones on to the end of the hand fasting cord.  The stones came from a river where they often hiked during the early days of their relationship.  Another couple used an heirloom pin from her Mother and a Mason's ring from his Father on the end of their hand fasting rope to honor their deceased parents.  There are  a wondrous array of ways to make the fasting cord highly personal.  As for the ritual itself, this too is an opportunity to use a traditional ritual in a way that conveys a meaning specific to you and your life together.  You can change when the ritual is used during the ceremony, you can change WHO performs the ritual, you can decide where and how the cord is fastened and for how long you remain fasted.  I've seen a couple who chose to be fasted at the wrist and remained so until after the procession.  The opportunity to weave cultural rituals into contemporary and personally unique experiences is one of the things I most love about creating custom weddings.  To me, it's part of the "some old, something new" tradition at it's best.  So the "right way" to perform almost any ritual in a wedding is the way that speaks most true to your heart. 

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about this post.  I am alway happy to talk about  rituals, ceremony and weddings!  Happy weekend-   Elisa

My husband came home tonight and told me about a fairly long conversation he had with a young woman in his office.  She's getting married in the next couple years, rings have been bought, locations scouted, and honeymoon destinations are being catalogued.  My husband asked her if she was going to be married in her church or by a Celebrant.  She told him that she was not happy getting married in a the church because she had not attended a service since she was 13.  He suggested that she take a look at my website and the website of the Celebrant Foundation and Institute (www.celebrantinstitute.org).  After looking at our sites, she came back to my husband with one simple, astonished question "Can I legally compose my own wedding ceremony or have one composed for me?  I thought the Church or the State made up the ceremony, can I really have someone create an actual wedding ceremony written and composed the way we want it?"  My hubby is not a Celebrant, he is an Architect, but he lives with a person wholly committed to Wedding Celebrancy, and he stood by my side when I was ordained and when I graduated from the Celebrant Institute.  He "gets" it.  And so he said 2 things in response to her question: "Yes, you can absolutely create or have someone create a totally unique, personalized, totally customized wedding ceremony,  and you really need to call my wife, she loves to talk about weddings".  I was so proud of my husband, he's come a long way from the straight edge, traditional Justice of the Peace ceremony that joined us as husband and wife.  His answers to his colleague were not just sincere and enthusiastic, they were totally 100% accurate.  The words or format of your ceremony are not prescribed by the State.  There are clearly words that are suggested or prescribed by religious custom, but they are not legally required, and hey, if they are not YOUR custom, they may not belong in your wedding.  As a wedding officiant, there are a few things I need to ensure we cover in a wedding-namely that you have a license, that you are here to commit to the bonds of marriage, and that you are ready to love and honor each-other.  I need to pronounce that you have entered the bonds of marriage, but there is NO prescribed script for this.  Shocking?  Sort of.  True? Totally. You do not have to be "presented or given away", you don't have to "honor or obey".  You don't have to process if you don't want to.  You don't have to light a candle or read from a religious text.  I don't have to say "Dearly Beloved".   It is YOUR wedding and you can pick and choose every word of it.  With all of the details to plan for your entire day, and with all of the (rightful) focus on the meaning and the promise of the ceremony, I highly recommend you work with a celebrant who is experienced in creating fully customized ceremonies, who can get to know you, and your journey as a couple, who has tools that help determine your style and find the core of your values and who is experienced in pulling all of that into a well worded, meaningful ceremony.  But you don't have to.  You can choose.  There are officiants like me, who support your desire to have a ceremony that is meaningful and directed by you, and will work with you to make that happen.  :)